I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
