I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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