Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
