dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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