Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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