We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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