so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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