So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think your dad took our porno
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
