just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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