yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
