Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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