she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
