craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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