i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize