Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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