Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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