We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
