In the future we'll all be gay
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
