Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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