You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
