The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
