God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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