its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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