im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
