hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
