I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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