you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
