My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
