just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
