do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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