u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
