instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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