I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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