If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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