: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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