my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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