I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
