Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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