Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
