Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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