According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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