1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
