we're blogging at a bar
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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