Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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