Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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