he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
