hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
