He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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