he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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