My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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