half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And then he peed in my hair
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