I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
