somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize