You made me cry and you don't even care
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
