hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
