Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
