Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
