Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
