I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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