I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
