addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
