3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
