I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
