somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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