just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
nutella sex= disaster
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
