I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
