I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
